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Customer Reviews of Tying the Knot

"You cannot tell people they can't fall in love."
"Tying the Knot", a documentary from Jim de Seve examines the extremely controversial topic of gay marriage. The documentary blends footage of protests, comments by historians, and speeches by politicians with the very real dilemmas faced by gay couples in America. Years ago, I naively thought that just leaving a will would take care of a surviving gay partner. "Tying the Knot" examines the fate of two gay couples and these stories illustrate how the law fails to protect the surviving partner in the event of death. One of the couples--Mickie and Lois--policewomen in Florida--went through a marriage ceremony together, but after Lois's death in the line of duty, her pension did NOT fall to her partner--but to her family instead. In another example, Earl and Sam lived together for 22 years, and after Sam's death, Earl was supposed to inherit his property. A technicality in Sam's will swung in Sam's cousin's favour, and Earl was tossed out of his former home. If gay marriage were legal, both Mickie and Earl would have been recognized as the surviving spouse, and they would have received all the associated benefits from that. But instead, both Mickie and Earl--not only have to cope with their grief and loss of a life partner, but also have to cope with all the legal fallout from the law's failure to recognize them as little more than roommates. As the filmmaker points out, marriage "takes care" of all the legalities "with one stroke." <
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>But the documentary also raises some thought-provoking questions that go beyond just asking who gets the property in the event of a death. Gay marriage--by granting legal status--also guarantees many other legal protections--even such innocuous rights as hospital visitation, for example. What exactly is so offensive about allowing gays to marry--isn't marriage about "fidelity, and commitment"? And yet those opposed to gay marriage use the "big lie of the Family Value debate"--the idea that gays just want to get married so they can ruin the institution for some bizarre reason. <
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>The film shows gay activists visiting city hall and trying to apply for marriage licenses on Valentine's Day. Somehow, when you see the gay couples lined up (some have been together for decades), it just seems ridiculous that they are turned away. The film argues that the institution of marriage has altered through the ages to accommodate social changes, and it uses the example of an interracial couple--the Lovings--who married in the 1960s at a time in which their union was not recognized by the state they lived in. <
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>While I doubt that "Tying the Knot" will change the minds of those vehemently opposed to gay marriage, it's likely that the film will open the minds of those who wonder what the big debate is all about. Why does anyone get married? Love, commitment and security all seem like valid reasons marriage, and as one man remarked in the film "If you don't like same sex marriage, don't have one"--displacedhuman

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Above-average film-making. Powerful and effective.
Having seen many films dealing with GLBT issues, I wasn't <
>fully prepared for the impact of this magnificent film. <
>The producers effectively illustrate how the definition of "marriage" has changed throughout US history. Interspersed <
>are real-life stories of individuals in loving relationships <
>who have borne the brunt of recent anti-gay marriage sentiment and legislation. Their experiences are not portrayed in a preachy or heavy-handed manner, but most are quite disheartening. <
>Prepare to be stunned, angered, educated and touched. This film has the potential to open minds. <
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"If you don't like same-sex marriage, don't have one."
I wish Jim de Sève's Tying the Knot could be shown on primetime network television because this film really puts a human face on the same sex marriage debate. Whether you are for, or against same sex marriage, this film is required watching as it does terrific job of presenting, in a rational, common sense way, the reasons why such unions have become so highly galvanizing in the United States. <
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>As gay marriage steadily becomes legal in some European countries (Holland, Belgium and shortly in Spain), and also in Canada, the U.S. seems ever more determined to forbid it. It is a serious issue for gays, for whom no will, beneficiary document or city or state civil union protection guarantees the 1,138 federal rights the documentary asserts are granted straight married couples. <
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>Tying the Knot effectively lays out the movement's steps forward and setbacks, and effectively sets the issue of marriage in a cleverly drawn historical and cultural context. But the movie also gives a heart-rending account of two people who have been caught up in the inequities of marriage law, who have lost their life partners, and have suffered terrible economic and emotional consequences as a result. <
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>In Florida, the union of two police officers was obviously accepted; Mickie Mashburn and Lois Marrero had been a couple for a decade and were well-liked by both friends and colleagues. Home movies from 1991 show a religious ceremony uniting the lesbians, dressed in matching tuxedos. Yet when one was killed in 2001, the other was afforded spousal burial honors but denied spousal pension benefits. After Two Tampa pension hearings, Mickie is denied the benefits <
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>Even worse is the case of Sam, an Oklahoma rancher whose partner of 23 years, Earl, died, leaving him everything. But Sam was denied the ranch they shared that was specifically bequeathed to him. <
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>The case rested on a technicality, a missing third signature; a self-seeking cousin was allowed to claim the property and then approach Sam for the back rent. It makes those in same-sex relationships both angry and paranoid - anger that this type of injustice is happening and also paranoid of landing in this type of situation. <
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>De Sève interweaves Mickie and Sam's ordeals with the push for same-sex marriage across the nation along with archival footage, one of which is an attempt of a to overturn a New York state ban way back in 1971. There's also footage of couples lining up at county registrar offices to obtain marriage licenses in New York and Los Angeles <
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>Much of the Tying the Knot concentrates on the landmark Massachusetts decision to award marriage rights to same-sex couples, but the film also shows that there's a long way to go - for example, there's no federal immigration rights available to bi-national gay couples, and even Massachusetts couples are prohibited from filing federal joint income tax returns. <
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>Tying the Knot is an important film that effectively challenges an institution that social conservatives view as immutable and unchanging. Historian E.J. Graff takes us on a very sensible journey through the history of marriage and shows us how economics, not love, determined marriage for thousands of years. <
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>This is a paradoxical, and commanding film, which delves beneath preconceived prejudices to explore what the institution of marriage really means within the context of today's society. Unfortunately, it also shows that bigotry and intolerance is rife, and that in the United States, full equality for same sex couples still has a long way to go. Mike Leonard June 05. <
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