Cheap The Ice Pirates (DVD) (Stewart Raffill) Price

Related Products

Customer Reviews of The Ice Pirates

Before anyone wastes any of their lives watching this...
Let's get the technicalities out of the way up front: the film is presented with a matted 1.85:1 widescreen, which is passable. The picture and colors are dull which is to be expected for 21 year old B-movie. Audio is quite terrible; you get an atrocious mono track. MONO!! And bonus features? Will you settle for just a theatrical trailer? Too bad, 'cause that's all you're getting. <
> <
>How about the movie itself? Is it worth your time and money? That depends? Do you like to take drugs (like maybe PCP)? If you do then this may be your movie! The film is a disorganized collection of jokes aimed at pre-teen boys who aspire to be professional class clowns, and are destined to earn on the low end of the wage scale. You know the type ;) <
> <
>Here's the mandatory capsule summary: In the far flung future, the most valuable substance in the universe is water. Hilarity ensues. No seriously...due to all the wars, the galaxy's water supply has almost dried up. The evil Templar Empire controls the remaining water supply, and they periodically have to deal with marauding groups of pirates. Hilarity ensues? No, because Robert Urich plays Jason, one such pirate who hijacks transport ships filled with ice. His crew is a ragtag band including Michael Roberts, Anjelica Huston and Ron Perlman. Anyway, on one of these raids, Jason encounters Princess Karina (Mary Crosby), who is desperately searching for her father, an explorer who disappeared while looking for a mythical planet of water. Jason is captured by the Templars, but he makes a deal with Karina: she'll free him if he'll help her find her father. Hilarity finally ensues. <
> <
>A poorly conceived, written and executed parody of the (increasingly self-parodying) science fiction genre, the film makes several glaring scientific mistakes. These are not the science fiction/fantasy elements typical of other films of the genre (ie: hyperdrive, transporters and so on). No sir, these are classic examples of bona fide Hollywood scientific illiteracy. And they're real whoppers too, made with bold audacity by the filmmakers. I guess you're supposed to ignore these errors with "suspension of disbelief," but if you have half a brain, you can't. <
> <
>Am I being too hard on one of the intangible aspects of a film in a genre that has admittedly malleable guidelines? I don't think so, but let's suppose I am. There's so much more here to hammer away at! How about the horrendous costumes, the claustrophobic sets, the yard sale props, the "let's-ask-the-audience-to-pretend-they-see-anything" special effects... The list goes on, but the worst sin committed here is... NONE OF THIS IS FUNNY. <
> <
>How about the acting? Let's see...this movie killed Mary Crosby and Michael D. Roberts' career, Angelica Huston and Ron Perlman would be hard pressed to ever admit to starring in it, it emboldened Bruce Vilanch to sin again (and again, and again...), and I think it actually killed John Matuszak and Robert Urich. How's that for a body count? <
> <
>When a stoner-fan of this movie is asked to recall their favorite scenes, they invariably peer back at you through their intoxicated haze of the 1980's and mention the "space herpes," the conveyor belt castration facility, and the "old farts in the time warp" at the movie's climax. Coincidentally, they are also citing some of the film's major problems in both concept and execution. <
> <
>By now you're thinking "Yeah, but it's a cult movie, man..." (puff, puff) "It's s'posed to be that way, dude...hey I have the munchies..." You could try to use that as an argument, but you'd be wrong. The theory that, because the film contains not one single element meant to be taken seriously thus the whole thing must be funny doesn't apply here. Stewart Raffill isn't a good enough director to take deliberate bad filmmaking and present it in such a way that you're supposed to laugh at it. <
> <
>All in all, only hard core cult movie fans will enjoy this unflushed toilet of a film. Everyone else will discover very quickly that they've made a horrible mistake and either turn the disc off and return it to the rental store, or desperately try to find some way to return it for a refund or credit. Or you could bypass it altogether, and lead a happier, longer life. You want science fiction comedy? Try Futurama.

---

Take one gem and roll it into another
This movie was done during the height of the sci-fi field, when every single movie maker was cranking out whatever far-off adventure they could come up with. I saw this movie not too long after watching "Battle Beyond The Stars", and the most hilarious thing I noticed was the "recycled special effects"! <
> <
>Seriously....watch BBTS, and then watch Ice Pirates right after it. You'll be amazed how all the ships, space battles, and even aliens tend to look EXACTLY the same as in BBTS! <
> <
>It does go to show that you can take some of the same stock and make a completely different movie out of it! Definitely one to add to the list of the great 80's sci-fi flicks!

---

"What happened to 'We rape! We pillage!' ?"
I saw Ice Pirates (1984) on cable in the mid to late 80's, and while I seem to remember thinking at the time the film wasn't all that funny, I recently decided to give it another chance as maybe there were nuances I wasn't fully able to enjoy when I was younger...and you know what? I didn't...I enjoyed it as much as I was ever going to enjoy it back when...it's not that the film is completely horrible as it does have a few funny moments, but for the most part the humor is corny, stupid, and generally lame serving up serving up a heaping pile of sexual innuendos and flatulence jokes, among other things. Co-written and directed by Stewart Raffill, the man behind such films as Mac and Me (1988) and Mannequin: On the Move (1991), the film stars Robert Urich (Turk 182!), Mary Crosby (Tapeheads), and Michael D. Roberts (Knight Rider, Manimal). Also appearing is Anjelica Huston (Prizzi's Honor), ex-pro football star John `Tooz' Matuszak (Caveman, The Goonies), Ron Perlman (Blade II, Hellboy), Jeremy West (Howling VI: The Freaks), John Carradine (The Astro-Zombies), and Bruce Vilanch, the writer responsible for much of the craptastic monologue humor witnessed on the Academy Award shows, at least when Billy Crystal was the host. <
> <
>After the galactic wars, water has become the galaxy's most valuable commodity only because there's so little of it to be had, most of which is controlled by the evil Templars from the planet Mithra. The Templars have nearly absolute power, but are plagued by a smattering of space-faring pirates who subsist by raiding various Templar convoys and stealing ice (which is how the water is transported). Among these pirates is a group led by Jason (Ulrich), including Roscoe (Roberts), Maida (Huston), and Zeno (Perlman), and, as the film opens, we see them attaching themselves to a Templar freighter, cutting their way through the hull and into...a bathroom featuring a flatulent alien (this is pretty much the extent of the comedy). While making their way through the ship, Jason comes across Princess Karina (Crosby) asleep in some sort of stasis chamber and suggests kidnapping her for a ransom, but is persuaded by the rest of the crew to forgo her over the real prize, which is the ice. Plans go awry as Jason and Roscoe (the rest manage to escape) are captured and sent to Mithra to become spandex-clad eunuch slaves (the `processing' scene is one of the funnier sequences in the film), but are saved by the princess as she wishes them to take her to see a man, believed hiding on a pirate moon, who may have been the last person to see her father whose an explorer, searching for a fabled `lost' planet, one that's rumored to have scads of water. Turns out the Templars, led by the evil Zorn (West), who looks like an uptight Eric Idle, are also searching for this planet and are in hot pursuit of Princess Karina, Jason, and his crew. <
> <
>Director Raffill will never win any awards for outstanding achievement for Ice Pirates, but it's certainly not the worst film he's ever done...that distinction would result in a three-way tie between the execrable E.T. rip-off Mac and Me (1988), a sequel to a film that should have never been in Mannequin: On the Move (1991), and the Denise Richards/Paul Walker suckfest teen movie Tammy and the T-Rex (1994) aka Let's Cash in on This Whole Jurassic Park/Dinosaur Fad Thing. At the very least, Raffill has made an attempt at redemption with his latest film Three (2004) as it features a few scenes with a topless Kelly Brook, who, incidentally, recently lost her lawsuit against the filmmakers as she was hoping to get the nekkid scenes removed for the DVD release (funny how this wasn't an issue until after her and costar Billy Zane became a couple...I guess Billy doesn't like to share)...but I digress...the material overall is pretty juvenile, but at least they were able to rope some very capable actors into the film, many of which I'm sure are probably still feeling the detrimental effects this movie surely had on their careers subsequent to its release, especially the very attractive Mary Crosby (daughter of Bing) and Michael D. Roberts, but hey, what the heck do I know? I'm just one person with an opinion. And then there's Anjelica Huston...I had forgotten she was in this film in a role of the Xena-like, sapphic, leather clad pirate warrior Maida always cutting men's heads off, and a little surprised as her more memorable roles stem from films like Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989), The Grifters (1990), and The Royal Tenenbaums (2001), but then I remembered she also appeared in Michael Jackson's 18 minute vanity project titled Captain EO (1986) he and Francis Ford Coppola made for Disney. Oh, and as far as John Carradine, he's in the film for all of about 2 minutes as the character of Supreme Commander in a scene that appeared to have absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the film other than the fact it was in the script. The most annoying element for me would have to be that of Bruce Vilanch, whom I don't despise because of his sexual preferences, but for the fact that he's just not funny. He plays some effeminate ruler of a world and his elite guard consists of a group of sexy weapon- wielding woman in leather bikinis (what a waste). The story itself is slow as the action sequences are far and few between. The production values are pretty decent, indication someone dropped a little coin on this film (or borrowed from other, already made sci-fi films), but despite their efforts, one will notice they couldn't keep the cheapness out completely...for example, near the beginning as Jason and his pirates are entering the ice hold of the Templar ship...we see a guard running to meet them, climbing down an aluminum latter propped up in the scene, looking much like one someone could buy at the local hardware store. <
> <
>The wide screen anamorphic (1.85:1) picture on this DVD will be a blessing to many fans of this cult favorite, as now they can ditch their worn VHS copies for this very excellent looking transfer. The Dolby Digital 1.0 comes through very clean and clear. The only special feature available is a theatrical trailer, but it could have worse...there could have been a commentary track by Vilanch. <
> <
>Cookieman108 <
> <
>Keep your eye out for the scene with the pimpbot... <
>