Cheap Star Wars - Episode I, The Phantom Menace (Widescreen Edition) (DVD) (George Lucas) Price

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THE PHANTOM MESS
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>The immortal main theme begins. The orange words appear: "Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying systems is in dispute. Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battleships, the greedy Trade Federation has stopped all shipping to the small planet of Naboo..... this alarming chain of events..." <
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>We sit in wonder, our popcorn halfway to our mouths, as a chill runs down our spines. Good lord! A trade dispute. A blockade of a small planet. A chain of events (albeit quite a small chain, only a couple of links). <
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>This is the stuff of which epics are made? <
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>What is the purpose of the blockade? Shouldn't the Trade Federation want to trade with Naboo? Perhaps the T.F. wants to charge higher prices? If so, why are we never told that? We are never, in fact, told anything about the dispute, other than it is trivial and legal. (Qui-Gon says "... something as trivial as this trade dispute..." Viscount Gunray says "Our blockade is perfectly legal") So, having been officially told that the plot opening is a legal, trivial trade dispute, we might think that the first exciting scene would be a committee hearing by economic experts. <
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>How could Mr. Lucas give us so lackluster a start to so eagerly anticipated a movie? <
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>Ah yes...Queen Amidala. Now, the films do demonstrate, that Mr. Lucas's general knowledge of politics, government, and diplomacy is so minuscule that it could all be engraved on the head of a pin with lots of room left, but in the polity of Naboo he has confected something particularly fascinating: a democratic monarchy--a "queen" who is elected and subject to term limits. (We never hear of any kings; perhaps a matriarchal democracy? Unique.) This "queen" is required to wear preposterous costumes that change hourly and coiffures not seen since the court of Louis XVI. Surely she would have little time to do much governing, being too busy with her clothes and hair. (But that might be a good idea, since the office of monarch apparently has no age qualification and in this crisis Naboo is governed by a girl of perhaps eighteen. That's the best they could come up with? And she, we are told in Part II, is 'not the youngest' ever chosen. One would have liked to see the youngest, who perhaps ruled from a cradle rather than a throne.) <
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>The Gungan "government" is also interesting. The oddly-titled "Boss" Nass is evidently not a Gungan at all--or from a superior race of Gungans, who look entirely different than those they govern? It doesn't seem quite right. <
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>So we arrive on Tatooine, where a serious difficulty arises: the ship's hyperdrive is kaput. It is vital that the ship get going ASAP--a matter of galactic importance, in fact. Only one dealer has the needed part. The dealer will not accept Republic currency. <
> Now, what is a resourceful, masterful, intelligent Jedi to do? Here are some choices; which would you choose? <
> A: Go to a bank and convert your currency into the local stuff. <
> B: Inform Wattoo, the overgrown house fly, that the Jedi Order is commandeering his hyperdrive and will wire him the money. If he objects, take it by force. <
> C: Wait around doing nothing until you accidentally discover that a small child might get you the money by winning a race (although this child has never won a race). <
> What Qui-Gon does is so absurd, only Lucas could have come up with it. <
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>A side note: Qui-Gon asks Obi-Wan if they have anything to trade with. He replies that they have little but "the queen's wardrobe". Folks, if that queen brought her whole wardrobe, it could be traded for most of the starships on the planet with Jabba the Hutt thrown in. <
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>Anakin's poor mother: now here is perhaps the biggest, most glaring plot hole in the whole series. Why in heaven is she left as a slave? The Jedi are willing to take a 9-year-old boy away from his only parent and forget about the woman. No effort to free her, now or later, even after Anakin shows her a pile of cash and says "look how much we won". I guess he keeps it and leaves mom to the mercy of the giant fly. <
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>"Gungans go to sacred place." The Trade Federation has occupied the whole planet. They know about the underwater city. Yet thousands of these not terribly inconspicuous Gungans manage to move to a spot on the surface that the T.F. never even notices. One wonders how they did that. But of course we must reckon with "Lucas logic" as well as "Star Wars physics" in these movies. This also applies to the production of dei ex machinae as needed. You must get into the city? Voilà, "the secret passage on the waterfall side." Thank heaven for secret passages. And how we rejoice at the pistols concealed in the arm of a chair, a chair in which Newt Gunray has been sitting for weeks without discovering them. <
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>When the big door goes up and Darth Maul appears, the Jedi say "we'll handle this" and all the others--about a dozen armed men--just leave (to "take the long way"). Why? Why doesn't everyone open fire and kill the Sith right there? <
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>One could go on listing absurdities and inconsistencies in this silly movie, but enough of examples. The more important question is, why? Why is the film so bad? Why is any thoughtful viewer left feeling he has been cheated? <
> I think the answer can be found on the commentary track, where Mr. Lucas and several mechanics talk to us. <
> My chief impression of these comments is one of men so mesmerized by technology that they have lost sight of other things. The animators and CGI functionaries--these hod-carriers of the computer world-- are insufferable. On and on they go with details of how this or that shot was done, incessantly telling us of their cleverness, their expertise, their great accomplishments. One feels a bit "wude" in saying this, but, folks, we don't care how you did it. What you do is of no more interest to most viewers than the building of sets or the stitching of costumes. You are hewers of imaginary wood and drawers of digitized water. Do your jobs, cash your paychecks, and be quiet. We, the audience, care merely about the finished products. Save your war stories for others in your profession. No doubt you deserve well of your master, undoubtedly other CGI people will care to know the details of your skilled work, but don't monopolize the commentary track with yet another description of how you made dust appear realistic or inserted a suitably jerky movement into a puppet. Sheesh! <
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> Mr. Lucas's comments suggest he is an overgrown adolescent, like Peter Jackson. One hopes in vain for some commentary on things like the government system of Naboo or on what reaction he expected from the startling announcement of Anakin's virgin birth (made before we learn of the midi-chlorians). But it is interesting that he frequently compares his work to that of a composer of music, referring again and again to "tone poems" and such things. I can only suggest that, if he views his movies as a symphony, he should have let John Williams do the directing as well as the composing. The result would probably have been superior. <
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> Finally, a tribute to Jar-Jar Binks. I am not being perverse. I like him. He brings to the film a much-needed element of humor. He does not take himself too seriously. He is genuine. He is humble. He is grateful. He helps his friends. I bet he wouldn't leave a child's mother in slavery. As for his language, I find his dialect to be more refreshing, alive, and natural than that of a character who for no apparent reason always backwards speaks, whose verbs at the end of his sentences puts, and who so insufferably smug is that I almost wish Count Dooku his little green head had off cut. <
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Not my favorite, by far!!!
There were many good points to this movie. First, you get to see young Anakin. You get to see his humble beginnings and hear the mother tell how she immaculantly conceived her son. To me, this suggests someone such as Darth Sidious (The eventual EMPEROR) perhaps influenced "the force" to somehow impregnate Anakin's mom. (Thus making Ultimate Evil the grandfather of Luke Skywalker) <
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>If you think about it, that makes sense, But the good in the mother "white washed" some of the bad of each father out of the offspring. Anakin's mom's goodness allows Anakin to struggle with good vs bad. He eventually turns bad, but it's not easy and he's not really happy about it. His evil is cut in half from the emperor's because Anakin/Darth Vader has a heart. Has the capacity for love. And this comes to light when he finally learns to love Luke in Episode Six. (His love for Padme is almost part of his undoing). <
>Padme's goodness is what tempers Luke and Leia's hearts and keeps them from turning. (Likewise I imagine this happens further on down the line, but you never know unless you read the books, because there aren't anymore movies to go on.) <
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>ANYWAY, let's rein in the tangent truck here. The point is this movie, Episode 1. It's a great flick. There just should have been Less JAR-JAR and more Darth Maul! <
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>It sets up another problem. I realize Anakin is apparently a few years younger than Padme, but this is just skirted over as the series wanes on. He's a boy when they first meet. How are we to believe they fall in love when she's like 25 when they meet and he's like 10? <
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>All in all, my least favorite of the six. But from such a Star Wars Fanatic, even my least favorite is still very much enjoyed!