Cheap Modern Vampires (DVD) (Richard Elfman) Price

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Customer Reviews of Modern Vampires

Sophisticated fun! Not for Beavis and Butthead.
Modern Vampires brought standing ovations at the Fantasia Film Festival this summer and was voted the "audience favorite" award out of ninety selections. It also had the largest number of walkouts. It isn't every day that a film grabs people so viscerally (and I just purchased my DVD, which has great behind-the-scenes commentary, etc.). Modern Vampires is definitely not for right-wing Puritans, left-wing Political Correct Police, or drooling Beavis and Butthead types who just want to see bosoms and gore - although this film has it's share of that. This movie is a marvelous satire on society, with something to offend almost everybody. It also has a touching love story between Casper Van Dien and Natasha Gregson Wagner with a Pygmalion twist, kind of a "My Fair Vampire" tale. The self rightous Van Helsing (mighty Rod Stieger) and his crew of streetwise gangbangers (lead by the amazing Gabriel Casseus) sends this well crafted plot into high gear. This has to be the most original vampire movie ever. My friends and I loved every second and will watch it many times.

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Wry wit *AND* gore, Bravo!
This clever film fits into the netherworld of cinema that the "suits" hate because it's so hard to categorize. Funny, yet seriously gory, sensual and smart, this well cast film (great, though sadly abbreviated performance by the unparalleled Udo Kier) delivers to fans of cult films who prefer to watch actors acting instead of CGI FX eye candy trying to replace engaging dialogue and character development. Rod Steiger is simply perfect as Van Helsing chasing down vampires in modern day Los Angeles.

Oh yeah, plenty of T&A to please everyone, as well! Think Kim Catrall does Sex in the City of Angels. Natasha Gregson Wagner will be emblazoned on the retinas of Vampire lore aficionados for decades.

This mismarketed film deserves the chance it didn't get the first time around, owing to it's being so difficult to categorize. Equal parts comedy, horror, erotic thriller and campy satire comprise a compelling diversion from reality, if but for a couple of hours.
I welcome the fusion of so many film genres. You *CAN* get your chocolate in my peanut butter to great effect!

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Pure cliche-ridden crap
I'm a person who likes B-movies but this one is not in the "so bad it's good" category, it's just plain "bad".

So what do we have here?

Well, we have Natasha Gregson Wagner trying hard to be an even cutsier version of the feral female vamp that Annie Parillaud did so much better in "Innocent Blood". -- Yech!

We have Casper Van Dien from Starship Troopers trying hard to be an even badder version of Tom Cruise's Lestat at the conclusion of "Interview With the Vampire". Mr. bad-a** rock'n'roll vampire cruising down the highway in a hot car. Yeah right. -- Yech!!

We have various supporting actors who just plain can't act, plus a script that relishes cardboard stereotypes.

We have an unbelievably bad performance from Rod Steiger as Dr. Van Helsing. My respect for him as a great actor went right out the window after seeing this horribly cartoony excuse for acting. He and poor Udo Kier must have been in sore need of a paycheck to make the next payments on their Maseratis or something to stoop to the level of this totally uninspired and worthless waste of time. What WERE they thinking???

And to try and up the "coolness" factor of this movie we have Gabriel Casseus and his gang of Homies doing the overused-to-death ploy of "cool black dudes highlight hopeless un-hipness of straight, uptight white dudes". -- Ultra-Yech!!!

Throw in some gratuitous nude scenes (including the Homies having group sex with a vampire bat-chick), and "boy have we got a movie for you!" -- NOT!!

-- But hey, I hated "Fright Night" too, so what do I know? If you like films like "Fright Night", "Love At First Bite" and "Dracula: Dead and Loving It", you might like this one too.

But if your taste in Vampire films is more atmospheric like "The Fearless Vampire Killers" or the Hammer films, you should stay FAR, far away from this one.