Cheap Manos, the Hands of Fate (DVD) (Hal Warren) Price

Related Products

Customer Reviews of Manos, the Hands of Fate

So Bad I Can't Think of a Clever Title
This is it, the absolute worst movie of all time. First of all, the title is redundant and stupid, as anyone knowing any amount of Spanish will tells you that the title is Hands: Hands of Fate. Also, the villain in the movie has handprints on his cape. Clever. Saying that this movie had a shoestring budget would be an insult to shoestrings; this movie had no budget. In fact, the director and star was... a fertilizer salesman. What can I say, the story is not unusual, a B-grade horror story, but what the director does with it is stuff of legend. The acting is done by the guy's family and friends, and it is obvious. No one here had any inkling on how to act. Second, with the exception of the mysterious Torgo, none of the characters have the least bit of... characterization. The film is blurry, shot with a camera that had no sound. And all the dubbing was done by 2 people! So when someone talks, it's hard to tell who, because all the voices sound the same and you can't tell whose lips are moving. There are points where the movie is so lost that even the keenest of spectator will have to laugh out loud at the movie. An absolute must of bad movie buffs. But be warned, this is not your average bad movie... this is... pain-inducing thriller, Manos, Hands of Fate.

---

Hands: Las Manos del Sino
How do you begin critiquing the worst movie ever made? <
> <
>Entertainment Weekly recently gave it a decent shot, though their article focused more on the history and making-of. Here is my take on this wonderful piece of cinematic horror. <
> <
>In what is perhaps the most delicious coincidence of all time, Manos was directed by a fertilizer salesman. Yes, a fertilizer salesman. His name is Hal Warren. The film sank into well-deserved obscurity after its 1966 release, not to be unearthed until the television show Mystery Science Theater 3000 dug it from the depths of B-moviedom. Devoted to making fun of awful movies, the comedy team didn't realize they were creating a cultural phenomenon. <
> <
>Chances are, if MST3K creator Joel Hodgson and his gang hadn't found Manos, no one would have been aware of its existence. A few of its flaws are obvious upon first glance: the ineptitude of the title, for instance, which translates to Hands: The Hands of Fate. I can't help what wonder what would have happened if the film made it to international release. Would they have called it Hands: Las Manos del Sino? And needless to say, it is never made clear exactly what (or who) the hands of fate are supposed to be. <
> <
>Oftentimes, people who are involved in the production of MST3K fodder complain that the show didn't do their films justice. The brains behind Manos had the good sense not to do this, and for great reason: the uncut, un-riffed version of the film is no better than the MST3K'd one. In fact, it is much, much worse. <
> <
>It's the story of a vacationing family who is forced to stay at a creepy old house because their car broke down. So far, so good. The guy who lives there is a mumbling bearded fellow (as the MST3K team put it, he "looks like a chainsaw sculpture") with huge, deformed knees. (As it turns out, he's supposed to be a satyr, but they only show his paper-mâché hooves once. In the MSTed version, the row of "theater seats" makes them invisible.) He speaks constantly about "The Master." His two trademark lines are "I am Torgo. I take care of the house while the Master is away" and "the Master would not approve." He grudgingly allows the family to stay in the house, even though, surprisingly, "the master would not approve". <
> <
>Then, all hell breaks loose. Literally. <
> <
>Actually not, unless you count women in diaphanous gowns fighting each other to be "hell". As it turns out, The Master (Tom Neyman) is a member of the undead. He worships a god called Manos, or something. He has a ton of wives, also undead, who like to sit around and have loud, semi-coherent arguments that consist mostly of single-syllable words. Sometimes they wrestle. Of course. At some point it becomes clear that The Master wishes to keep Mrs. Generic Horror Movie Heroine as his own. But so does Torgo! Oh noes! Whatever will they do? Fortunately Torgo is limited to traveling at about 2 inches per hour, thanks to his immobile knees. It's not really a fair fight. <
> <
>Stuff happens. Unlike most bad horror movies, this doesn't even have a happy ending. Only pain and darkness await. All the voices are dubbed - badly - because the video camera that Warren used couldn't record sound. Torgo speaks as if someone is jabbing him repeatedly in the throat. But the crowning glory, I think, is the elegant speech made by The Master's oldest wife as they all argue about whom to kill: <
> <
>"Man, yes! Girl, no!" <
> <
>To which MST3K's Crow T. Robot quips, "Cheese? Maybe!" <
> <
>Cheese indeed.

---

'Manos' The Hands of... hrm. Can't say that on Amazon.
'Manos' The Hands of Fate (Hal Warren, 1966) <
> <
>Manos is widely considered to be the worst movie of all time. (Check IMDB. I don't believe any other film has actually inhabited the bottom slot since rankings were first implemented.) In one of my less lucid late-night wanderings around the internet-- I'm sure liberal amounts of bourbon were involved-- I decided, as I sometimes do with books/movies/etc. Most people think are insanely awful, "this can't be as bad as everyone makes it out to be," and put it on hold at the library. Yes, my library has a copy of Manos (and yet, they don't have a copy of Cannibal Holocaust. What is this world coming to?). <
> <
>Well, folks, I have now seen 'Manos' The Hands of Fate (no, the grammar in the title is not a typo), and I can truly attest that while there are movies I would put below it in a ranking of the all-time worst movies-- in fact, it wouldn't even make my bottom 10-- Manos is, truly, just about as bad as everyone says it is. <
> <
>That Manos is simply cheesy-bad is not enough, though it is certainly that. The story concerns a family who are on their way to a lodge out in the country. They get there and meet the caretaker, Torgo, who's a very weird sort of person, and immediately figure something is very wrong. It is (and it has nothing to do with the script, the camera work, or the acting, although all of those are also very wrong)... <
> <
>What is truly depressing about Manos is that it's obvious Hal Warren (who also plays the male lead) was obviously onto something very, very good. As a horror film, Manos tries to rely purely on atmosphere. This can be done exceptionally well in movies (Gaslight is a fine example, as is Session 9), but it is very, very hard to pull off. Manos is an attempt that tried, failed miserably, and then seems to take a side trek into the girl-gang movie (presumably, because Warren knew how badly it was failing and decided to try and spice it up with some catfights). If it hadn't been so ambitious, Manos might have been a simple cheesy gem, the kind of movie that you can't help but watch because it's so thoroughly awful (Shriek of the Mutilated, for example). But it's both cheesy and depressing, and that makes it just plain bad, on the same level as such utter abominations of filmmaking as The Day After Tomorrow. Come to think of it, Manos doesn't even have the in-your-face offensive immorality of The Day After Tomorrow. <
> <
>Maybe it really is one of the ten worst films ever made. (zero)