Cheap Legend of the Chupacabra (DVD) (Joe Castro) Price

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Customer Reviews of Legend of the Chupacabra

"One Who Sucks Blood From Goats"
This is one of the worst movies in history, and certainly one of the least watchable. It is a movie that wishes it was 'The Blair Witch Project' but is more like a bad junior high student film. It is dedicated to all the people who lost their lives making this film, which is embarrassing enough, but wait till you actually see the chupacabra (which means "One who sucks blood from goats" in Spanish, the movie somberly intones.) This is the lamest monster since the last time Ed Wood collaborated with Tor Johnson. The movie features a lot of very bad narration and a faux documentary style that only serves to annoy.

Essentially what happens is that Students from the 'Department of Cryptozoology' at the 'University of the Rio Grande Valley' led by Maria (Katsy Joiner) set out to film the chupacabra which has been sucking livestock dry and recently killed her uncle. Her theory is that the Chupacabra was created in a US government biomedical experiment in a secret lab in Puerto Rico. Alternate explanations presented are that it is from outer space (an authority tells us that this is obvious due to its hind leg structure) or that it is a demon created by Satan (though a priest is interviewed says that that isn't so, and goes on at length about how superstitious Hispanics are.)The hard hitting story line leads exactly where you might suspect: immediately before having his intestines sucked out, the Sheriff is asked "Is this where the conspiracy starts?" by Maria, and we soon discover that not only is the government mixed up in the chupacabra case, but they are also covering up the Loch Ness monster case and the conspiracy to intentionally plant crack cocaine in inner city neighborhoods (some people actually believe that one.) When the intrepid explorers find animal remains they generally have lines like "this goat looks like it's intestines have been sucked right out." Along on the expedition besides Maria and the cameramen are a deputy (in official uniform blue jeans) who takes them to any place they want to go (crime scene access is apparently no problem for the students) and most offensively the 'ex-Marine' and 'renowned firearms expert' who is about twenty yet still has Vietnam flashbacks, and can't figure out how to hold a rifle. After the Sheriff's demise the deputy confirms that the chupacabra killed Maria's uncle and said the cover up was because "the Chupacabra policy is on a need to know basis only."

Ultimately they chase a chupacabra to its lair (marked by scarecrows with goat skulls on the top) and try to seal it in with dynamite, thus rendering it vulnerable to capture. (?) The ex-Marine and a cameraman seal themselves in a cage (a la Richard Dreyfus in 'Jaws') and try to shoot the creature when it comes out at night. (Tip: never get out of the cage to get a better shot at a chupacabra. Duh.) They finally get the chupacabra dispatched (Maria has to put a knife in its mouth) and perform an autopsy "before any government agencies like the CDC or FBI take over, because we want to know the truth." The autopsy is my favorite part when I listen to them trying to say medical sounding stuff like "Look at this mandible!" Without question my favorite line was when Maria, assisting in the autopsy, says "Yeah, I noticed the angle of langerhans" while looking at the chupacabra's head. Of course she meant to say "the islets of langerhans" which are in the pancreas, so I think she needs to study a bit harder in her anatomy classes. The autopsy also features much gratuitous grossness (like blue eyeball fluid) as do many other parts of the film, but they are so poorly done as to be more laughable than offensive (this is especially true of the traumatic arm amputation scene.) The pinnacle of lunacy in the autopsy is when they discover the bar code tattooed on the chupacabra and say conspiratorially "You know what that means...."

The DVD has a few extras such as director's commentary and autopsy bloopers video, but nothing makes this a more interesting package. This is one of the most amateurish, un-watchable, awful films ever. I can't recommend this even for camp value, which I had wrongly predicted it would be full of. This is just plain bad, no matter how you look at it. The residents of Santa Maria, Texas should hang their heads in shame that the good name of their town has been defiled by such a piece of excrement as this.

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THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN
This movie looks like something a highschool kid made out of his home. Don't waste your money!! I was upset that I even spent the money to rent this!! The acting, plot, dialog...everything is horrible about this movie!! I would have given it less stars if it was possible!!!

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Good lord this movie is bad!!!
I try to find merit in any work, but this movie is terrible even by the standards of Troma. The acting is terrible and they muddle their attempts to make this look like an shoe string budget documentary. The special effects are a joke. Troma always exaggerates gore for the fans, but this movie would be shameful even if it were a splatter film made two decades ago. This movie is a waste of time and money in my opinion I'd avoid it.