Cheap Druids (DVD) (Christopher Lambert, Klaus Maria Brandauer, Max von Sydow, Inés Sastre) (Jacques Dorfmann) Price

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Customer Reviews of Druids

Gaul's Greatest Hero On Film (it could have been better)
I've been a Celtic history buff my entire life, but it's taken me three decades to come to a very sad conclusion: the subject of Celtic antiquity will probably never be given a proper BIG SCREEN, BIG BUDGET treatment (which is quite surprising, given the fact that Hollywood is an American town and roughly half of all European-Americans are of Celtic descent...please see my review for the Hammer "classic" The Viking Queen). Braveheart doesn't really count, because it's from the late medieval period, but...

...on with this production. The GOOD Points: 1) The plot follows the account given in Caesar's book "The Gallic War" (De Bello Gallico) very closely; 2) Some of the dialog is taken right out of "The Gallic War" ("The only thing that the Gauls fear is that the sky itself will fall on them", and a few other lines); 3) Klaus Maria Brandauer (as Caesar) gives the best performance in the film (if you can get past his very thick German accent); 4) Max Von Sydow (a superb thespian) plays the Druid advisor to Vercingetorix, and his enthusiasm for the subject matter shows (but he was not given anywhere near as many scenes as he should have got); 5) the costumes, weapons, and hairstyles are right on; 6) Christopher Lambert (being a Frenchman) was a great choice for the role, BUT...now the BAD points: 1) The dialog that DOES NOT come from Caesar's account (which is the bulk of it) is incredibly wooden and stupid; 2) the budget was so low that the battle scenes pale in comparison to gang fights ("We've defeated three Roman legions!" exclaims Dumnorix, but I've seen more combatants in playground rock fights...the dearth of extras was a big minus); 3) the New Age, "world beat", "hip", "exotic" music is simply not appropriate for this movie...some real folk music from any of the Celtic cultures (Scottish, Welsh, Breton, Irish, etc.) would have fit much better...death metal probably would have worked much better, but the music and singing I heard in this production was so obviously of non-European origin that it distracted me and lessened the enjoyment of the viewing experience!; 4) the whole film looks like it was shot in the same field around a "re-created" Gaulish fort that I've seen in at least two documentaries on Vercingetorix...folks, we're talking bargain basement budget here; 5) Lambert, playing fierce Vercingetorix, does almost no fighting here...he mostly walks around fields covered with dead bodies with an outraged look on his face; 6) Why was this movie released under the title "Druids" in the USA when the film does not focus on druids at all? Sure, there are a couple of druids in the movie, but they play a minor role...it must have been a ploy to get all of the crystal gazing, tarot card reading, herbal tea sipping, Enya listening, history denying New Age freaks to rent the video...this makes about as much sense as making a movie about the Crusades and simply calling it "Priests".

All in all, a "so so" movie. I applaud the fact that a movie with this subject matter was made (it's about freaking time), but in a film with a catastrophically low budget, even the best actors can't save it...Hollywood is only interested in cranking out films about "hip" and politically correct themes apparently, and most of them SUCK, not surprisingly.

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Watching it is painful
This movie gets 2 stars, which is truly a gift, simply because it at least brought attention to an historical figure who really deserved not to be lost in obscurity.

I tried, really tried, to find something to recommend this movie, as I had much higher expectations, having read Morgan Llewellyn's book "Druids", and found it wholly entertaining. I did not see any credits acknowledging Ms. Llewellyn, so I can only assume they either loosely used her book for the script, or she shuddered in disbelief at the final cinematic product and wanted no association with it at all!

I tried to be open-minded about what was presented here, recognizing it as a work of fiction, but the historical innacuracies were too ridiculous and defeated the purpose of the movie. To start with, Vercingetorix is historically represented as a large, muscular man, a fearsome warrior, and also was an attractive man with a commanding presence, good leadership capabilities, and a brash, impetous personality. I was repulsed by the selection of Christopher Lambert as the actor portraying him. (They should have selected the actor who plays the other "Highlander" lead role, it would have been much more believable, Scottish accent and all, though Vergingetorix was Gaulish, of course.) For pity's sake, Vercingetorix was a WARRIOR, a hero, someone who put fear into the hearts of his enemies!!!! Lambert makes him look like a pathetic weakling, speaking with a lisp, and coming across like an effeminate boy-girl!! And having some REALLY bad-hair days!! We're expected to believe that THIS is the leader who inspired the Gaulish tribes to finally unite, to follow him, rising up against Caesar???? The aged Druid, played by Max von Sydow, towers over him, making his appearance even more small, timid and unreal.

Vercingetorix was known for his raging temper, and he had the physique to back it up. Lambert's depiction of the emotion of anger or rage is so ineffectual, so ludicrous, that Boy George is more frightening. It's as out-of-context as Kevin Costner's "Robin Hood" speaking in "Olde English", with a Southwestern American twang in his voice. Then we have von Sydow and the actor playing Caesar, I forget his name, both having German accents in their speech.

Then there is no identification of who is who, and what role they play, to help us understand what is going on and why. For instance, if you know something of Celtic mythology, there is in Irish myths a warrior-woman, named Skye, the island is named after her (Sky-uh), who is a master in the use of all weapons, and trains the mythological hero-warriors, like Cuchulain, and I suppose this is what is being alluded to, with the female warrior training Vercingetorix. But without that mythological insight, that scene makes no sense, and how many people seeing this movie would be up on Celtic mythology. Judging from the reviews, very few, if any. Too much about the movie was just unrealistic, not in the least believable, and this film has some of the most stilted dialogue and worst acting I have ever seen. Lambert is just awful in this film, truly awful. There isn't even one scene that redeems his role here. He is not the least bit convincing as a warrior, leader, or lover. How the hell he wins not only one, but two women is beyond me.

This film might have been salvaged, if a more believable lead actor had been chosen. A story about a hero needs a strong actor in that role, someone who can anchor the story-line and lift the rest of the cast into working with him. Lambert is just not the man for this film. He is not just bad, he is awful, he is ridiculous. His acting is so poor it makes the whole film flop. It might have survived the German-accented Druid and Caesar, and the manufactured battle scenes, but with the zero-appeal of the lead actor, the movie was doomed.

And it seems like overkill to mention the music was horrible as well, but, well, that just added to the disjointed nature of the venue. Skip this movie, please, as enduring it will be painful.

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Should be rated zero stars.
I bought this video recently hoping that it would be both entertaining and informative. It was neither. The story line was poorly developed, and the acting was flat. Lambert's acting was . . . well . . . tedious, and he gave one of the "best" performances in the film. Bottom line here is that if you are thinking about buying this flick, just grind your money up in a food processor . . . that, at least, would be visually interesting.