Cheap Bikini Bandits Experience (DVD) (Steve Grasse) Price

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I will start by saying that I awarded this film two (very generous) stars simply for attempted creative filmmaking. It is certainly not the worst movie I have ever seen, but is certainly not good, either. What is it then? It is unique. I didn't really like this movie all that much (though there were a couple of laughs) but it is an absolutely original film, and for the imagination that went into it, I think it's worth two stars.

The film is pretty much impossible to categorize. I would say that it's mostly a fast paced 'girls and guns' movie (that looks like it was edited for MTV) with plenty of muscle cars and silly comic book action plus odd narrative devices and links. A uniting feature of the film is the interjection of faux advertisements from 'G-Mart' which sells things such the "At Home Meth Lab For Kids" and "Corey Feldman's Underwear" (personally worn by and autographed by Corey Feldman.) While selling Corey Feldman's underwear the female host of the G-Mart Shopping Channel asks this timeless question of her male co host: "Sam, who hasn't dreamed of owning Corey Feldman's underpants?" Other uniting motifs include the ornery "Zembo", a guy in a fez who mostly serves to annoy, and animated conversations of two of the individuals responsible for this film, a device that I grew tired of after approximately the first 0.000001 second. This is all topped off with some extremely cheesy computer graphics that (evidently) serve to mock early 1980s computer animation.

Now I have described the glue that holds the film together, I might as well get down to brass tacks and say that the first half of the movie is a quite sacrilegious and offensive quest in which the girls perform a detail for Satan, here depicted as a flatulent Rubik's Cube addict, who sentences people to things like watching Corey Feldman dance to the end of time (and, yes, Corey does dance), in one of the more amusing moments in the film. During the performance of their duties the bandits end up in Amish country hiding out with a character known distastefully as 'Mildly Retarded Amish Boy.' Fleeing Amish country they (of course) appropriate a top secret government time travel machine to go back to Philadelphia in 1776, where we get to see a brawl between Ben Franklin and George Washington (whom Franklin calls a 'homo', in one of the less inspired moments of the film.) After stopping to buy a colonial early pregnancy detection kit, the girls are off to a Corey Feldman Fan Club Sleepover Party where they debate the relative merits of Feldman's movies (I think that they decided that 'Goonies' was best, but the film leaves that a bit open to interpretation) and have a pillow fight. Subsequently meeting up with Corey Feldman and his band of Ninjas (!) the movie provides a useful educational service when it reveals that:

1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight all the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

Needless to say, the movie delves into this subject a bit further after showing us some yoga stretches that you will NEVER want to see again, and a musical interlude by "Ben Beaver" in which he sings a song titled 'Why Can't I Fart In Front Of You?' Need I say more?

Ultimately the Pope, played by Dee Dee Ramone ("Pope Ramone"), helps win the day and we are treated to a fight between the forces of the bikini bandits and Corey Feldman's ninjas versus the forces of 'The King of the Massively Retarded Exploitation Underground.'

Toward the end there is an interview with Corey Feldman in which, when asked about making the movie, he says "It was mostly tortuous, truthfully...I'm really kind of ashamed to be a part of it; as we go on I realize this is a big mistake." To emphasize that this is strictly in jest, the movie runs a caption saying "Thanks for being a good sport, Corey." Although Corey probably did mean these words in jest, I think there may be more than a small nugget of truth in them.

There are many extras on the DVD, most notably a US and French Trailer ("Watch Out Frogs") for 'Le Bikini Bandits.' Also included are some footage of the premiere, a couple of relevant music videos (notably featuring Toilet Boys and the always unpleasant Ben Beaver.) Particularly un-noteworthy is a short film included in the extras (and excerpted in the movie) titled 'The Adventures of Dirty Sanchez', which is a truly depraved and unfunny bit of filmmaking.

All in all, this is not a good movie, but at least it's short. It's 54 minutes contain some occasionally entertaining (and frequently not)moments spent with such luminaries as Corey Feldman, Dee Dee Ramone, Jello Biafra (of 'The Dead Kennedys'), and a couple of guys insultingly credited as 'Gary The Retard', and 'Hank The Angry Dwarf'.

Like I said, at least it's short.

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A long time coming
I have been waiting for a year to see this movie again, I am so glad that I can know watch it whenever I want. If you are a fan of hot girls and a crazy story- this DVD is for you. Perfect for kicking back and puffin'.

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GREAT!
This film is funny! Seeing Maynard James Keenan as the devil is more than worth it alone, not to mention the other cast, Corey Feldman, Dee Dee Ramone, etc.